I wrote in a previous post that I’m afraid. I don’t know if afraid is the appropriate word. I nearly lost a leg so I understand the word terror. And I’ve lived my life on the outside of most circles, so I understand wary and I comprehend apprehension. I don’t live in fear because my life isn’t threatened. So I don’t know which word suits my emotion.

I know I haven’t earned the tools to ease the task.
I know I’m capable but I’m aware I’m culpable.
I know that contrition must not contain attrition.

A woman stood in the hall of a hospital and I asked her how she was. She answered, “I’m surviving.” I said, “Surviving is a good verb.” She replied, “Thriving is a better one.” And I knew I was in the presence of the profound.

I will meet my matched. Yet I’m aware that each moment in the synchronicity of Divinity is a pass or fail moment. I didn’t always pass in my past. I’ve failed to do and I’m justly due. In my present and in my presently, I’ll pass and I won’t fail. Yet I’ll merely pass. I should have surpassed.

I am not the man I should have been.
I will never be the man I could have been.
It’s not a matter of living with that loss.
It’s the awareness of living with that less.
I’m not afraid. I’m ashamed.

© 2007 - Mark R Trost - All Rights Reserved

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Date posted : October 29th, 2007 by Mark Trost Last Modified : October 31st, 2007 / Filed under : Feeds / Report a Concern Navigate : Previous post / Next post / Top of Page
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