From The Zahir by Paulo Coelho

I went to a train station today (in Paris, France) and learned that the distance between railway tracks is always 143.5 centimetres or 4 feet 8 ½ inches. Why this absurd measurement? When they built the first train carriages, they used the same tools as they had for building horse drawn carriages. And why that distance between the wheels on carriages? Because that was the width of the old roads along which the carriages had to travel. And who decided that roads should be that width? Well, suddenly, we are plunged back into the distant past. It was the Romans, the first great road-builders, who decided to make their roads that width. And why? Because their war chariots were pulled by two horses, and when placed side by side, the horses they used at the time took up 143.5 centimetres.

So the distance between the tracks I saw today, used by our state-of-the-art high-speed trains, was determined by the Romans. When people went to the United States and started building railways there, it didn’t occur to them to change the width and so it stayed as it was. This even affected the building of space shuttles. American engineers thought the fuel tanks should be wider, but the tanks were built in Utah and had to be transported by train to the Space Center in Florida, and the tunnels couldn’t take anything wider. And so they had to accept the measurement that the Romans had decided was the ideal.

But what has all this to do with marriage?

It has everything to do with marriage. At some point in history, someone turned up and said: when two people get married, they must stay frozen like that for the rest of their lives. You will move along side by side like two tracks, keeping always that same distance apart. Even if sometimes one of you needs to be a little further away or a little closer, that is against the rules. The rules say: be sensible, think of the future, think of your children. You can’t change; you must be like two railway tracks that remain the same distance apart all the way from their point of departure to their destination. The rules don’t allow for love to change, or to grow at the start and diminish halfway through - it’s too dangerous. And so, after the enthusiasm of the first few years, they maintain the same distance, the same solidity, the same functional nature. Your purpose is to allow the train bearing the survival of the species to head off into the future: your children will only be happy if you stay just as you were 143.5 centimetres apart. If you’re not happy with something that never changes, think of them, think of the children you brought into the world.

Think of your neighbours. Show them that you’re happy, eat roast beef on Sundays, watch television, help the community. Think of society: dress in such a way that everyone knows you’re in perfect harmony. Never glance to the side, someone might be watching you, and that could bring temptation, it could mean divorce, crisis, depression.

Smile in all the photos. Put the photos in the living room, so that everyone can see them. Cut the grass, practise a sport - oh, yes, you must practise a sport in order to stay frozen in time. When sport isn’t enough, have plastic surgery. But never forget, these rules were established long ago and must be respected. Who established these rules? That doesn’t matter. Don’t question them, because they will always apply, even if you don’t agree with them.

Purchase The Zahir from Amazon:

The Moral?
There is nothing wrong with growing apart, or even ending a marriage.

Marriage is the only partnership in which we make the ludicrous promise that we’ll be together ‘until death us do part’.

Is your friendship with your best friend based on an arbitrary promise that you’ll be friends forever?

Business agreements most often include an escape clause - what to do when things break down.  There is an expectation that things won’t work out, due to unforeseen changes.

A marriage vow should instead consist of the following Daily Marriage Affirmations:

• I commit to our partnership, for I know that separately we are both whole individual, requiring nothing more to complete us; but jointly we are a force to be reckoned with, for the benefit of humanity.
• I promise to comfort you,
• To encourage you in all walks of life.
• I promise to express my thoughts and emotions to you,
• And to listen to you in times of joy and in times of sorrow.
• I love you, and you are my closest friend I keep no secrets from you.

Say these affirmations daily, and a meaningless promise at a wedding is no longer required.

Date posted : September 23rd, 2007 by Michael Haupt Last Modified : October 13th, 2007 / Filed under : Books, Relationships / Report a Concern Navigate : Previous post / Next post / Top of Page
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